Yom Kippur and Forgiveness

Yesterday was Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement, and a very big deal here in Jerusalem. Not being Jewish, I really didn't have a clue about the holiday until I moved here three years ago. Now I know perhaps a little more.

It's a very solemn day, the streets are virtually free of cars and children ride their bikes, skateboards and scooters in the streets. People wear white and no leather and they fast from food and drink. They also do not bathe on this day. Everything is closed and basically the only sounds are children playing.

It's the one day of the year that atonement is made for the sins of the people. Well, I should say the Jewish people to be exact. As a Christian, it is an interesting concept for me to think of only having one day of the year for atonement. So by this standard, if (when) I sin on the day after Yom Kippur, then I have to wait a full year for forgiveness? I'm sorry, but I can't make it that long. Once my conscience kicks in, I have to deal with it right away, or it pretty much torments me to be separated from relationship with my Lord. So I'm very thankful that I can live knowing that I am daily atoned for, and forgiveness is right there waiting when I stumble and repent.

This brings me to the subject of forgiveness between us humans. On the day before Yom Kippur, a friend wanted to talk to me. It appears that quite a few months ago, he had made a judgment against me over a health issue I was having (trouble with my knees). To my knowledge, he had not talked about it to anyone, he only thought to himself that it was a "lame excuse." That is, until he started having knee problems. Then he started to feel convicted about judging me and he wanted forgiveness because now he could empathize with my pain.

I forgave him for that. But the trouble is that before he told me about this, everything was okay on my part. Now it's okay for him since he's gotten it off his chest, but it opened up a whole can of worms in me. Now, I find it hard to trust him and when I talk to him, I'm constantly thinking he's judging me. I also find myself replaying old conversations with him and wondering what he was really thinking.

I know that I am just as guilty of making snap judgments and having bad thoughts toward folks as he is, but I also know that it can be even more hurtful to someone to actually tell them the bad thoughts you've been having about them. Doing something physical that needs forgiving is a different story, but when the sin is only in your head/heart, then I think that maybe that should be dealt with between you and God only.

Now I have to deal with having my feelings hurt and losing trust in someone I consider a friend. Not to mention my tendency toward paranoia and projecting issues onto other people... like "Hmm, if HE feels that way about me, what does this other person really think..." My friend had good intentions, I'm sure, but there's an old song that says the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Maybe it's not that we're paving our own road, but our intentions can make the road a lot more difficult for others.

I think I'll have a chat with my friend so we can work this out and continue to walk together and build trust. But please, if you're my friend and you think ill of me, please keep it to yourself unless I'm actually harming you in some way. Then by all means, talk to me about it so I can make it right. Just don't add any unnecessary pain to my life. I will be eternally grateful that you had the selflessness to spare my feelings!